Tips and Confessions of a Funeral Singer

Hey Y'all! A few post back I shared with you about my obsessive need to check obituaries....If this is your first visit to my blog PLEASE don't automatically hit the back key and exit! While I will be the first to express that I am rather quirky....I will also stand behind the premise that I am alot of fun amidst the quirk! So stay with me here......Having said that, today I will be talking, in part, about funerals.

When you are an active soloist in any church body, chances are you will be asked to sing at a funeral...or two...or possibly many more.....If I had to guess, Mark and/or I have sung at more than most folks.....I would guess 50 or more. And let me just say right here....It is a great honor to be asked. To be included by the family to celebrate the life and homegoing of a loved one is truly such an honor and a blessing.....It is also one of the hardest parts of ministry.....especially if you are "a crier" at funerals....and I am.

Most of the time, I hold it together pretty well......and luckily, the majority of funeral service orders have the soloist singing first...at the beginning, before the Pastor has eulogized or the family member has read a poem or letter (that one ALWAYS get me going)...before having to sit there and watch the family struggle and mourn. In case you have never thought about it, the soloist usually is placed in a position where the family can see and hear the songs being sung....which means the soloist also has a front row seat to see every face, every tear, every emotional struggle of every member of the family....so it is kind of heart wrenching to say the least. If you know the family or the deceased personally, that makes it even more difficult.

Despite the difficulty, I still feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity! I have learned so much about the people and the families who entrusted me to be a part of the funerals...and believe it or not, sometimes, I have learned alot about myself....many of the things I have learned are techniques that will keep me from crying, so that I can still do what they have asked me to do for them (sing)!


Things I have learned that help me stay composed at funerals:
(AKA: Tips for Blubbering Funeral Singers)


1. If I am about to "bust a blubber fit", I can start counting the number of flowers in each arrangement, and if that does not work, I start doing math equations in my head....something like...17 mums in arrangement one, 12 roses in arrangement two.....add them, divide them, do a ratio of arrangements based on the left to right side of of the casket....usually gets my mind in analytical mode vs. emotional mode....

2. I can look over the heads of the family members and it still looks like I am singing to them....

3. Every family group has a "kooky cousin or aunt", you can spot them by their attire, so that takes my mind to a different place if needed.

4. All I have to do is think about not being able to get up and go to the ladies room, ....and then I feel like I really need to go.....Yes, it is somewhat self torture....but an overactive bladder has saved me from having overactive tear ducts if all other attempts to "keep it together" have failed. As a precautionary prep, I gird myself with protection by "Poise", as I always hydrate well before singing at a funeral.


Believe it or not....the most valuable thing I have ever learned at a funeral was taught to me at a funeral I was not singing for.....Mark and I were in the congregation. One of our dear friends, who also works in our company, lost his Mom somewhat unexpectedly. Mark and I traveled to Virgina, his family's home state, to show our support and love and to extend our sympathies to him and his family.

It was Christmas time, and the small community church was decorated beautifully in celebration of Christ's birth. I was sitting there thinking how difficult it must be to bury a loved one at Christmas time, when I heard the doors open. We stood as the family came in....His Dad, who was also very ill and in the last stages of his fight against cancer was in a wheel chair and had to be pushed to the first row, by a family member. It was very emotional.

It was the sweetest funeral I have ever attended. I bawled like a baby....and I had never met or laid eyes on Mrs. Burgess! The funeral was a great tribute to a life spent as a servant to the Lord.....it was praise and honor and worship! To see the very ill Dad lifting his hands in praise to his Creator during the worship songs, as he sat there in his wheelchair, was almost more than I could handle.....it was GENUINE WORSHIP....you could see it...you could feel it....it was as close to the throne of God as I had ever been...it was that special.

So what did I learn, you ask? I think Mark Batterson said it best in chapter four of "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day". (Which is a MUST read for everyone.) He says, "Worship is forgetting about what's wrong with you, and remembering what's right with God"! .....Read that again.....isn't that awesome!

Worship should be continual, it should not be based on what we feel, where we are, or what circumstances we find ourselves amid. Paul and Silas worshipped in jail. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed–nego, worshipped in a fiery furnace. And Mr. Burgess worshipped in a wheelchair, knowing that the love of his life was no longer here on earth, and that his days, too, were limited due to his disease.

I wish I could say I was able to worship like that all the time......but I am being honest here, and I feel like most of you can relate....that sometimes life just takes our focus off the big picture, and we get fixated on what is wrong with today. Listen closely my friend....we are missing out when we do that!!

Thanks to a funeral, I have experienced Genuine Worship in it's rawest form...and I crave it....I cannot get the taste of it out of my mouth.....

May worship always be at the tip of our tongues! Keeping our eyes and hearts on the big picture. No counting flowers or scoping out kooky family members.....And if I blubber like an idiot, so be it.....but I do hope, however, I can control the overactive bladder.

Wishing Genuine Worship for us all Y'all!