Thoughts of November

There's a richness that grows as seasons pass
Deep in my heart where memories last
Of autumn days with blustery winds
That whirl and cool at summers end

When creation green, now heat distressed
Slowly withers dry to take a rest
Leaves that slowly dance from limb to sand
Fulfilling their part of the Master's Plan

Reminds me anew that life too must change
That plans and thoughts oft prearranged
Are often tossed and crumpled dry
Upon the earth, left there to die

But like the limbs both stripped and bare
We must trust and wait under natures care
For the One who brings the bitter snow
Is wiser and stronger than Winters woe

For the lessons learned and memories made
Will warm us until the winter fades
When Springs beauty reborn won't be undone
And all Earth reawakens beneath the sun

But until then, we will take our rest
And recount the many ways we're blessed
As we bend and mold the winter through
At last, reshaped by our Creator, anew

~Scarlett Knight
November 25, 2009

Vegetable Soup for the Soul

It has been a soggy four days in South Carolina. Wet, chilly, windy, and grey. Not my favorite kind of weather. I am a Sunshine kinda girl. I am, however, the eternal optimist about things, so if there is a silver lining to this low lying, soil soaking kinda weather....it has to be Vegetable Soup.

Good 'ole, throw some meat in the pot, boil it up and dump every yummy veggie you can find in it kinda soup. The kind you make in the biggest pot you have, and you cook it all day long. That's the way my Momma did it...as did her Momma before her....and it is how I make it too. The ingredients are never quite the same, but somehow it always tastes yummy. Throw together some sweet corn bread, and you have a meal that will warm you to the core!

I was raised on made from scratch, yellow corn meal, cornbread. Mark was raised on Jiffy Mix. I had never had Jiffy prior to matrimony....but I tried it, and I liked it! Probably because it is more like cake than bread! Oh, but it's sweetness is the perfect culinary balance to the slightly acidic soup! I like to crumble my cornbread into my soup bowl. Mark, my hubby...he is a dipper. So I bake my cornbread in a deeper dish, so that when it bakes I can cut it into perfect thick squares of golden goodness :) Perfect for dipping! Yes, I love my man...and he loves my Jiffy squares.

One of the hardest days for me after my Mom got ill, was a day when I was really sick with a cold and wanted some Vegetable Soup. She always made it for us kids when we were sick....even after we grew up and got married and did not live under her roof anymore. Looking back, I think that was the first day that I really got honest with myself about the finality of her illness. Somehow I knew deep inside that I would never have HER Vegetable Soup again. I would never have HER, not ill, again. I do not really recall what the weather was like outside that day, but in my heart...it was one of the darkest days ever. Those of you who have lost a parent, or have elderly or ill parents know exactly what I am talking about. It is hard to explain...and it is more difficult to fully digest.

I don't really know what came over me that day, but as horrible as I felt, I got up, pulled out my big pot, threw in some meat...then through tears and 101 degree fever, I made my own pot of soup. It was a rite of passage. It was a line drawn in the sand between being the child and becoming the adult. It was the beginning of knowing that I had to let her go, and knowing there was nothing I could do to change it. The sweetest cornbread in the world could not cut the bitterness of that fact.

Oddly enough, after that one particular episode of melancholy meal making....I felt so much better. Not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. I can make Vegetable Soup now, without tears and with fond thoughts of Momma and the way she loved and cared for us. And those sweet memories, definitely warm me to the core.

Um, Um, Good!
~Scarlett

Something WICKED This Way Comes...and it Changed Me Forever, For Good

I have felt misunderstood my whole life. There....I said it! (Well, technically, I typed it, but in blogland that counts as the same!) Now before you start thinking this is gonna be a "Poor Little, Pity Me Post"...let me say...it is NOT. I don't play the victim well...unless of course, she is a character on stage! Those who know me on a more personal level can testify to the fact that I will "bust a gut" before I will ask for help or admit defeat! I cannot understand the whole "Damsel in Distress" senario? HELLO!!!!I HATE to look weak. It is likely a personality flaw...I know....but I am just being truthful!!

I am pretty much an open book. I love all people, and actually like most of them as well :) If I say something, I keep my word. If I do not like something, I will typically let you know in a private, kind way. It is just the way I operate. And despite my strong Southern Bell persona...I defy one presumed characteristic of that personality type.....Passive Manipulation. Where as many people I know tell you what you want to hear to get the reactions they want....I just don't play well using that set of unhealthy social rules!

Because of that...most folks, (in trying to figure out what I must really mean or really want)...totally do not get me....thus the saga of my life long experience of being misunderstood.

I suffered the emotional misfitting of this senario....without a true title or name or explination of it....until May 29, 2007. My wonderful husband took me to New York City for our 25th wedding anniversary, and had purchased front row, center tickets for "Wicked, the musical". Now, I realize that lots of folks love this Broadway show....but the experience was much more than theatrical enrichment to me. It was food to my soul. It defined feelings I had felt all my life that I had never been able to express adequately. The stuggles that Elphaba had, I could totally relate to....the way every deed she did was misunderstood....was familiar territory to me....I had walked those same roads of discontent and disconnection! For the first time, I got what the issue was with me...being missunderstood.....But the really cool part of this story is that along with the revelation of that truth, I also realized that it is OK. I'm OK.

Thankfully, with that new revelation/understanding, came the realization that I am only responsible for my own actions, my own feelings, and my own reactions. NOT for what other people think I mean...or what they presume I mean or want. As a counselor once told me....We each have our row to hoe (in regards to what we say, do or feel)....other folks are given their very own row....SO STAY ON YOUR OWN ROW!

I was reminded of this whole "Wicked Revelation" today as I booked tickets for the show again. I simply cannot go to NYC and not see it. It would be like not visiting family if I was coming home from being out of town. Elphaba is my "soul sister"....judged for her looks, her actions, her intentions, the backfireing of good deeds, etc.....she and I are one. And like Elphaba, and the common stuggles we share....as we experience life...laced with a little bit of grace....the love a good man...and the discovery of an inner strength (which for me is my relationship with My Heavenly Father)...I have learned to fly....and I have been changed, for good.

I hope in sharing this, that maybe somebody else out there that feels misunderstood most of the time....will not feel so alone. To quote Elphaba..."As someone told me lately, EVERYONE deserves a chance to fly"!

May you each glide gently on the wings of the ONE who intrically knitted you in your Mother's womb, who wired every little network of neurons that trigger your feelings, actions, and emotions...both good and not so good....With Him, you will never be misundertood.

Happy Flyin' Y'all!
~Miss Scarlett