I Think I'll Try Defying Gravity (And no, this is not about me getting a new bra!)

Well, I did it. Today I woke up, got dressed, and walked onto the campus of FMU as a student......surreal to say the least! It was 30 years ago that I did, for all practical purposes, the exact same thing.

I remember the morning in 1980 like it was yesterday. I was wearing a soft, red plaid dress, with a little bow at the neck, and the cutest pair of espadrilles! (No wonder the KA's invited me to be a Little Sister! SO preppy!) I hurried to school, noticing that I was running really low on gas....but did not have time to stop!! Fleetwood Mac's album "Rumors" (yes, it was an eight track) blaring as loud as the speakers in my Pontiac Sunbird would allow! Excited, a bit nervous...but ready. Ready to start a new chapter: College! My first class was Intro to Theatre, in the old auditorium...the new fine arts building was not complete yet. Bob Simpson was my professor...he was a new staff member at FMU, and I remember thinking how we looked very close in age!

Other than one little mishap, which included me falling into a dumpster (a church daycare dumpster at that! Pewwwww!)on my way to class....(That will need to be a post all on its on, another time perhaps!)....the day went smoothly.

Time warp to 2010. Here I am this morning....wearing Uggs, a poet hat, skinny jeans, a long sweater and a scarf. (Not really KA material anymore :) ).....Rushing to my Mercedes Benz SUV, the soundtrack from WICKED blasting "Defying Gravity" as I make my way to the college. Running low on gas. (Somethings never change!) Excited, a bit nervous...but ready. Ready to start a new chapter: College! My first class was a Theatre 303 class, Stage Management. In the now old, but new 30 years ago, Fine Arts building. Professor Granath is my instructor...and ironically, I am pretty sure we are very close in age...he is not so new to the staff of FMU.

There are only 4 of us in this particular upper level theatre class....there were 5, but the Professor made quick mince meat with one particular student's non-theatrical brain, and suggested he exit stage R and go immediately to his advisers office in hope of getting a class more suitable. The other three students...are girls....ALL younger than my youngest child :/ A huge, but only momentary wave of panic washed over me....WHAT AM I DOING??? Have I lost my mind?

After all, (This is where I started trying to reason to myself)..."I have a perfectly wonderful degree in Nursing! I am a RN! I have 5 years of successful college credit under my belt!!" I commenced using my psyhciatric nursing knowledge on my self...."Breath deep, another time, now slowly let that breath out....repeat....relax....everyting is fine"....

And yes, I am a good nurse. Long story short...here is the deal...after nursing my Mom for seven dark years through End Stage Renal Disease...I can hardly stand to walk into the hospital anymore! Nursing was/is a field that I was successful and gifted in.....BUT....it is not, and never has been my PASSION. However, being the good "rule follower" and "go with the flow" girl....I took the sensible road 30 years ago...it paid well....it served others...it is a respectable and honored profession...nursing. I did not realize thirty years ago that passion trumps sensibility in the game of life.

There has never been an extended period in my youth or adult life that I have not been performing is some manner. Church musicals and dramas...singing at hundreds of weddings....Mark and I signed with a Christian Record Label...we wrote songs, recorded albums, performed and toured for years....community theatre...script writing....children's dramas...directing...etc....Always feeding that passion for performance. It has NEVER escaped me. The desire to learn more about it...to better my skills and knowledge of it....never goes away.

I realize most folks in my age group, my socioeconomic group, my peer group, would never have the desire to go back to school for something they know they will likely never profit monetarily from....but dang it, I DO have that desire!!!.....Oddly enough,the lyrics from that Wicked CD that was blaring this morning popped into my brain at the height of my doubt today....."Something has changed with in me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing...to late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust MY instincts....close my eyes and leap! I think I'll try defying Gravity...I think I'll fly...defying gravity....and you can't bring me down!"

Today, I decided to take that leap :)

"So if you try to find me, look to the western sky....as someone told me lately, everyone deserves the chance to fly! And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free! To those who ground me, take a message back from me....I think I'll try defying gravity, I'm flying high...defying gravity...and you can't pull me down!"

Today, my second chance to fly!

~Happy Soarin' Y'all!
Scarlett